I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
