The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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