I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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