girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
