You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
