TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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