o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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