I saw his package. It spoke to me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
