This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You pole danced in your parka.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
