I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
