onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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