she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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