R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
