id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize