flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
