HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
