note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize