non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
