Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
third nipple confirmed
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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