Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
