Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
