My liver just broke up with me...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
