I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
