i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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