I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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