I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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