do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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