Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
