Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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