i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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