Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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