the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
