dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
