well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
