you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
