I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
