The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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