Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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