I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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