i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sorry about my life...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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