Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
