cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Vodka?
Forever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize