haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
