ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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