I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
