if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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