you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize