Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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