I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
