it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
