Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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