I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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