**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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