My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
