I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
