I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
