some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
