so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
