That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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