i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
