it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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