just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
