currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
