my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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