8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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