I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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