Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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