If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
