I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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