I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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