i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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