Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
oh god was she eating orange peels again
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
