don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
