Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
