I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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