I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
