I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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