Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
