I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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