my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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