So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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