I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
