cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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