I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
