The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
