my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
its not stalking. its research.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
