why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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