I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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