Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
