Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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