My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
