Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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