I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
