dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
