All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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