Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
