I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
