just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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