the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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