You can't special order awesome
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
