It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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