i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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