you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
