Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
