My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
These tits shall not be calmed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
