i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
